I know it’s been almost three months since I’ve blogged; between being sick for most of my Winter Break from school, having to move to a temporary location until I was able to move to where I am now(not of my doing, but obviously of the Lord’s); getting into the Spring Semester, the Italy trip 14 of us were looking forward to going to was cancelled; my hopes and dreams shattered AGAIN while waiting for “that man” God has for me, and now to top it all off–the Coronavirus hitting us hard all over the world, and bringing us to almost a complete STOP at the moment, in order to combat it and get it under control, the sum of all of this is: “It is the LORD; Let HIM do what seems good to Him in His eyes.” That’s from 1 Samuel 3:18. Eli was saying that to Samuel, after Samuel had to tell him some very unsettling news from the Lord. All Eli could do, was accept it, and deal with it.
I (and many of the world’s population at this time) find myself doing the same thing–having to accept it and deal with it. Most people probably aren’t quoting this Scripture, but since it WAS brought to my “attention” this morning, during my prayers while literally crying out to the Lord of my YET present circumstances, this was His “answer” to me.
To say my heart breaks over and over again in the last couple of months–the words are not doing the pain justice; there is a HUGE gaping hollow feeling I have inside of me now, worse than ever before. ALL I’ve waited for, ALL that I’ve prayed and hoped for; ALL that I was being TOLD to WAIT ON HIM for–ALL of it, has been DASHED to pieces AGAIN. And YET as it says in 1 Samuel 3:18, “It is the Lord; let Him do what seems good to Him”, somehow needs to bring me to a place of PEACE and stillness before the Lord, no matter where my wretched human emotions want to take me.
In the realm of all that’s been happening to me lately, it “seemed good” to God to allow me some “insight” on what’s been going on with “that man”. What I’ve learned and now have to endure for an even longer spell (how long, only the Lord Himself knows), is excruciating. All I had to learn while BEING a child of God, and having the Lord chastise, correct and re-direct how I handled my mental and emotional issues, apparently “he” has to learn the “hard way” as well, as per the Spirit. It’s the Lord’s “best way” of dealing with what needs to be “delivered out of him”, in order to MAKE him the man of God he was meant to be. In other words, I’ve hit yet ANOTHER “detour” on this “walk in the DARK with FAITH”.
The PATH that I prayed to have been “cleared” so there wouldn’t be any more delays in “our” lives; the “wrong LIFE choices” that hopefully neither one of us would make any more, so that we COULD move forward and live out the life we always wanted to, having the right partner finally in our lives, etc.–well, that sounded all well and good to ME, but that’s not the way the LORD was going to handle it. He had other ways to bring “him” to his knees, and to a saving relationship with Him. This is ALL part of God’s “Permissible Will” and His TIMING, and yet it IS also His “Sovereign” will. Confusing? Welcome to MY world of living by FAITH…ugh…
I’ve had to “Let GO and Let GOD”, which seems to be the “theme” these past few months, even MORE than I ever had to before. The Spirit DID whisper to my heart just prior to the end of January–“TRUST ME FULLY”; I thought I already was! NOW I know what He meant by that; all that was being done to me in the past few years, had to “strengthen” me to DEAL with what I’ve been hit with at the present time.
This is ALL in God’s Hands–I AM aware of that; it’s not “dead in the water” although it sure SEEMS like it is. My HEART is more BROKEN now than ever, isn’t it(And mind you, I know this is not “all about me”–I write these things so some of you can “connect” with what’s possibly going on similarly in your lives). I must not allow my emotions to get ahead of me, like they used to in the past, but I sure could use a hug now and then…being a “solitary” at my age is horrible…
So let the Lord God do “what seems good in His eyes” to do; in the meantime, I need to concentrate on getting my studies done for this semester that has been decimated by this CORONAVIRUS. It has basically STOPPED the WORLD at this point; all countries involved are working to halt everyone from coming into contact with each other as little as possible, in order to SLOW the spread of it. It’s a smart move, but as you know there are some that are going to do what THEY want to do, and have NO ONE tell them otherwise! That’s the beauty of FREE WILL, and how we humans get to screw up our lives even MORE than they are already!!! Ugh!!!
Schools are shut down for the next couple of weeks; most businesses that are not considered to have “essential employees” like the EMS/Fire/Police/grocery stores/gas stations, etc. are asked to stay home and “hunker down”, and WAIT this out. Us college students will most likely turn to “distance learning” online, in order to continue our studies, at least I was told by my school, until April 5th at this point; depending on what’s going on with the spread of the virus, it may be extended…so we’ll just WAIT and see…
We WERE supposed to go to Italy this week; I was supposed to be eating pizza from Napoli, seeing the sites of Rome, and enjoying gelato with my Latin professor and SPQR classmates; that all was to help me get through what my broken heart has been enduring, but obviously that has been cancelled. Let’s just throw in the zinger I found out this morning, of my boy Tom Brady finally making a decision to “shop elsewhere” for a team this coming football season. “Forever a Patriot”–well, I guess not. But I “wish him well” in all his endeavors. Hmm, I seem to be saying that a lot recently…
In closing, I’ll remark on the Turning Point for today; once again, while I cry out to the Lord, I KNOW He hears me, for THIS was truly an answer and a REMINDER of just WHO is in charge when all “hell” seems to be breaking loose in our lives. The TITLE of today’s devotional was: “SOVEREIGN OVER ALL”, citing Daniel 7:27. He was making mention of how God’s kingdom is an “EVERLASTING KINGDOM, and ALL DOMINIONS (physical AND spiritual!) shall serve and obey Him.” This was definitely a “God Wink” for me today, for no matter how the circumstances may SEEM at the present moment, I am (we are) to FOCUS on what God has told us is the “expected END”, or the “outcome” of everything. For me, it’s what He personally said about my “Season of Waiting”, especially in regards to “that man” and what HE has to do TO him, in order to bring him to his KNEES, and make him into that man of God the Lord pre-destined him to be. I was also reminded this morning how Jonah was thrown off a ship and into a whale’s belly, only to be thrown up on a shore, and then brought to his “senses” about going where the LORD wanted him to go. In the end, God ALWAYS gets HIS WAY, for HIS WAY is His “FINAL SAY” in each and every matter, no matter where our “free will” may want to take us, which is more than likely, in the OPPOSITE direction.
God “turns the hearts of kings” (see Proverbs 21:1-9). At the end of today’s TP devotional, Daniel 2:21 was quoted–“God SETS UP kings and REMOVES kings.” Again, just as it’s been repeated enough here, He is SOVEREIGN. He does rule over all. At the end of the Lord’s Prayer, in Matthew 6:13, “For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.” This immediately brought PEACE again into my heart, reading this devotional. The peace has been there, but the pain and heartache “covers” it up so much lately, that the Spirit regularly needs to “bring it to the surface”, in order for me to “see” and feel it again, as I should.
This is the reason why we believers need to go to the Lord God EVERY SINGLE DAY, because there will always be something (like this Coronavirus) or someone that rocks our world, and we need to continue to be reminded that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, GOD IS IN CONTROL; He moves the hearts of kings; HE does what seems right in HIS eyes; HE KNOWS the best OUTCOME for all of us, even IF we sit here and say we HATE what’s going on, and HOW He’s doing it! Nevertheless, He DOES have our BEST INTERESTS at heart in it all. He KNOWS the END from the BEGINNING, and will “perfect that” which concerns us all (Psalm 138:8). He will also “complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”(Phil. 1:6).
FOCUS on the OUTCOME; let the Lord do what “SEEMS RIGHT”; don’t focus on the present circumstances, but “forgetting those things which are behind (you), and REACHING FORWARD to what is ahead”(Phil. 3:13). This is NOT an easy task; it take months, if not YEARS, for many of us believers to deal with certain life situations, depending on what they are; there is no special “light switch” that we can shut the pain et al, “off” in our lives in one fell swoop. God allows all that pain and misery, hopelessness and heartache, to bring us closer to HIM when these painful moments hit us. Remember Job and his friends? At first they were quiet, just listening to him, and “being there” for him. After a while, they started to try and “counsel” him, but all they did was make his situation all the more upsetting, by making it seem it was HIS fault, or him not being faithful or strong enough to handle all that GOD, mind you, threw at him. Thankfully, he kept his FOCUS on GOD rather than what they were saying…it was a teachable moment for them as well.
As “dark” as this WALK of FAITH has gotten for me lately, I need to continue to walk His path of LIGHT, no matter what is thrown my way; I suggest you do the same. We can all get stronger in Him through His Word and also get closer to the Lord God and Jesus through all these and any other troubling times that come our way.
“The LORD is my LIGHT and my SALVATION, whom shall I fear? The LORD is the STRENGTH of my life; of WHOM shall I be afraid?”(Psalm 27:1). If you do NOT know Him as yet, may I be so bold as to tell you, GET to KNOW Jesus as your SAVIOR “now”, not as your JUDGE “then”. KNOWING Him and “knowing OF” Him are TWO entirely different things. Be blessed.