Seasons change; they have a beginning and an “ending” to them. I put quotes around the word “ending”, because in a way, it never really ends. It’s a continuing cycle in this LIFE; I’ve had many “seasons” before, but rarely did I pay attention to them or what was going on around me. My head was in a “spiritual” and emotional fog–spiritual because I wasn’t being as astute as I should have been, having learned much about the spiritual realm and the Spiritual Warfare that is constantly going on in this world.
I wanted to go through LIFE not having to care so much about the spiritual, especially after having learned what I did; it was partly too scary, and also seemed like too much work and responsibility to take on at such a young age as I was back then. I was 19 when the Lord first called me to that appointment; I was again in my late thirties and married a second time when I started to pay more serious attention to it. The Lord allowed me to see many things, both good and evil, in order for me to realize just how much we ALL are in a war, fighting for our very souls each and every day. Yet, I just didn’t get up early enough to pray, nor did I fervently pray throughout the day as I have now been doing for the past three years. Oh, I prayed and I certainly took the time out to teach my daughter to pray, and also prayed with her when she was a child. But I became very much involved in my own marital issues, and didn’t pay enough attention to what was going on with my own daughter as she went into her teens, our relationship, and little by little I allowed the enemy to wedge in enough space to weaken me to the point of just not caring about what was going on spiritually, and not having the energy to care anymore.
My marriage was crumbling; my second husband left me during the first quarter of 2009–he told me point blank that he no longer loved me. I saw it coming, but I didn’t think he had it in him to leave. Financially, it was impossible; we were always hurting for money, because even though by that marriage, I was getting better how to handle the finances, my husband wasn’t on board with me, and so no money was being saved or tithed correctly. Sooner or later, between all that happening, my daughter was getting ready to graduate from high school (she was engaged to a nice young man who knew he was to be a pastor), and her breaking up with her fiancé a year after her graduation to be with someone who was a far cry from the type of man I prayed for her to be with, AND walking away from the FAITH that she knew since she was an infant, our family was finally in ruins.
My then-husband and I got back together a few months after the break-up, only because I begged him to come back; the next four years in that VERY long season of my LIFE, were hell. Even though we moved back to NJ for a time, in order to be closer to our families, thinking that would help us get closer to each other again, it didn’t help. Within a year and a half, we were moving out of NJ again, not realizing until after we moved back in April 2010, just how expensive everything got, and there was no way we were going to afford to buy anything there. So, once again, we packed up and moved ourselves over to Pennsylvania in October 2011, and after a little over a year and a half passed, the marriage took a nose dive, and I finally walked away in June 2013, giving my second husband the divorce he had wanted since technically the third year of our marriage, when he first mentioned it to me.
THAT was a LONG “season”–thirteen years worth of my life, that went down the tubes. None of this would have happened, if I JUST listened to the Lord God back nearing the end of 1999, when He kept telling me to WAIT. He had chosen a man for me long ago, before the worlds were even formed, but I did not heed His Voice, and the result of my disobedience was thirteen years of heartache, sorrow, financial difficulties, a broken marriage, and most importantly, my very bruised relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As much as I loved being married, I wasn’t with the man God intended for me to be with! So the Lord had no “choice” but to allow the natural things like the breakdown of the marriage to happen, and eventually, the divorce, because if it isn’t sovereignly predestined and ordained by the Lord, then it’s NOT going to flourish; it WILL end up “dying” out (see Matthew 15:13).
I can guarantee that if we all just STOPPED for a minute and took a good look at where we are in our lives right now, MOST of us are in “seasons” we should NEVER have been in. Again, there is the natural “circle of LIFE” that plays out, and the seasons that go with it–we are born, we grow up, we become adults, we go to work (most of us), we earn a living (whether it’s the right or wrong way these days), we get older, our body starts to break down, we get sick and/or disabled in one thing or another, and sooner or later, we die. Most people during that cycle, get married; many have children, or adopt or take in foster children into their lives. That could add many blessings or more tension, depending on each life situation, and mainly, whether or not those marriages or unions between those partners should have happened in the first place.
I’m going to stop right here, and allow all this to “sink in”, and I’ll be back with the second part of this, counting through the amount of “seasons” I had since I’ve was born, up until the present day. This was a long one, but chock full of real life issues that we’ve all at one time or another, went through similarly.
I hope you all will stick with me on this one–it may just open some spiritual eyes out there, and hopefully, some hearts to allow God to start working on those that know they need to finally hand it all over to Him, so He can stop the craziness of all those wrong “seasons” happening in their lives. Then He can change and transform them into the person He had purposed for them to be, since the Beginning of TIME.
Be blessed–
Walking in the Dark with Faith 