Well, this Fall semester at school has been a bit more busier than last year, and I had one more class then. I’ve been busy trying to also fit in two small part-time jobs; one brings just enough money in for gas and tolls, while the other job which I started this past month at school, will barely give me enough to pay for both my car bill and insurance. But, I am thankful for these small jobs, because they’re better than nothing. I’m tired of being unemployed.
Things have really been hard on me both financially and emotionally; I tried so hard to “convince” the Lord to allow me to have a full time job when it finally came about, while going to school. I wanted to have the job during the day, while taking classes at night, and yes, that also would have been at full-time status. He turned me down, saying that I cannot walk this WALK of FAITH in the DARK, while earning a decent paycheck, and not being totally dependent on Him for everything. It just doesn’t work that way; at least for right now with what He, the Lord, has me doing. That didn’t sit well with me, but the full time job I managed to acquire on my own with a decent paycheck, “suddenly” had no use for me anymore after a week, and the employers through my job agency decided they didn’t want or need a receptionist; they would go back to doing things the old way—answering the phones themselves. I was totally shocked and thoroughly upset, to say the least.
That put me into such a tailspin—I thought my financial problems were over; I also thought the sudden emergence of an old friend coming back into my life, was finally going to be the beginning stages of that “Season of Waiting” ending. That hope was dashed just as quickly as the job was. All that I tried to do, and the direction I was hoping to head into, was completely turned around in an instant by God. I found myself once again jobless, and my Season of Waiting was now not only being “extended”, but having recent developments confirmed to me, there was going to be an undetermined amount of time that I may have to endure. Besides, it’s more than obvious to me that not only is God truly in control of all these circumstances, but He knows what’s best to happen WHEN it should happen, and HOW it is to come about. But I’m thankful that God IS in sovereign control of it all.
Everyone comes to a point in their life when those trials are seemingly just too much to bear anymore. I hit that point just after all that happened to me a couple of months ago. School kept me busy enough, though. The Lord has had me take on not only a Minor (Holocaust and Genocide Studies), but has now confirmed to my heart that I am to go for the Master’s Degree in that once I completed my Bachelor’s. Why? I have no idea—He’s the one at the helm of my ship; He’s steering it and I’m just following his commands as He gives out the orders. I am thankful that I do know what direction my life is in going in now; I do have complete PEACE about it, yet emotionally, because I am STILL single, the loneliness going through these hard but necessary stages in my life nevertheless is exhausting.
I know it’s better to WAIT on God and also allow Him to direct me on the Path HE wants me to go, and has ordained for me.
The holidays, in these last several years being alone, have been a real struggle to go through. When you have a partner in life, and/or your own family, it’s easy to say to people like myself, “Oh, at least you have your (fill in the blank) to celebrate with; be happy you have them.” But “they” don’t take the place of that special someone who the single person has been waiting for all their adult life.
However, I know my life situation isn’t as bad as some others are. God has given me not only another chance at finding true love, He’s allowed me to go back to school, provided for all my NEEDS so far on this Journey (even though sometimes they look like they aren’t going to be met, and then miraculously, they are!), given me much clearer DIRECTION as to what to pursue in this life according to HIS will, Purpose and Plan for me, AND He’s also given me many loving and caring family and friends to share my life Journey with.
I know that His plans are being “worked out together for the good”. The many “God Winks” that I’ve encountered recently point right towards all that I’ve been waiting for; the Lord just keeps confirming all that He’s told me from the beginning—to WAIT on Him, TRUST in His timing, be grateful for all that I DO have, and don’t concentrate on what I DON’T have. Continue to be PATIENT, and walk the walk of FAITH—yes, in the DARK—and while holding His Hand, He’ll lead me to a more abundant Ephesians 3:20 life and love than I could have ever imagined having without Him. I hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving.