When it is ever a good season to be afflicted? Most of us wouldn’t want to be afflicted at all, whether it be financial, health related, relational, or otherwise. But the reality in life is that in one way or another, all of us are afflicted with some type of pain, issue, nagging problem, etc. that just doesn’t seem to go away. Sometimes, it could come as a combination of those things, and if not addressed or there’s no way of taking care of those issues, they can start to pile up and before you know it, you’re not dealing with just one or two afflictions, but many.
That is how my life has been lately, especially in the past few years. It’s not that I haven’t done anything to take care of those issues; on the contrary–I’ve done all that I can humanly do by myself to make for a better life, and rid myself of these afflictions, one by one. But for whatever reason that He’s not explaining Himself as to WHY I have to continue to deal with such afflictions, the Lord pointed out to me through a devotional this morning, that when HE’S ready to, He’ll deliver me out of them.
Well, let’s see–there’s the sudden living arrangements that had to ONCE AGAIN be addressed; my money situation is at an all-time low; my bills are not being paid because the new job I just started in mid-November can’t allow me to catch up on those bills; I just got an upper respiratory infection so bad that my focal seizures decided to pay me a visit, and stay for the duration of the sickness and then some; the seizures disrupt everything I try to do–I cannot function with half my body deciding it doesn’t want to work, and the pain from the tremors in the beginning of the sickness had me crying out to God to make them stop; it’s CHRISTMAS, and I don’t have a DOLLAR to my name to even buy a present for my grandson, daughter or son-in-law, or anyone else that has been good to me this year, and I would have like to show them my thanks by getting them something nice. It’s just not meant to be.
I should say with that list of things, along with my car issues (brakes are in dire need of changing, and I also need two new tires; will need an oil change in about another 1500 miles or so), OH–and let’s not forget about my sciatica (I’m going to PT for that, thank God) which with EVERY cough (and sneeze!) from this recent URI, it feels like needles being jammed into the side of my left leg!!! Ugh!! The focal seizures (and the pain and weakness that goes along with it) decide what I can and cannot do until they are completely gone (and yes, that’s even with being on medicine), and my patience is at my wit’s end with them!! Even while trying to type this all out, it’s been a struggle, because one side of my body doesn’t want to cooperate with the other. Brain trauma is a lovely thing…NOT!!
So, do you think I can relate to this particular verse right now?? I should think so. BUT, somehow, the Lord does get me through it all. Why He allows it to begin with? Well, because the rain falls on the Just and the Unjust, and while I was in excruciating pain Wednesday night from the tremors, crying out to God asking Him to please STOP the pain, all I hear in my spirit is, “TAKE THE MEDICATION”, which I hate to do, and was hoping I didn’t need any more of it as of Tuesday night. Then He topped it off with this–“JOB RECEIVED BOILS AND HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM, AND HE DID NOTHING WRONG.” Oh my goodness–how can I say anything further?? How can I continue to complain and cry out when I know darn well there are others that go through much worse than what I’m facing?
I have the Lord on my side; others don’t because they choose not to for the most part. As much pain as it is to go through all of this right now, I know I’ll have another place to live as of the end of January; a friend is opening up their doors for me to live there. I do have a part time job as a student worker at my college that will hopefully bring in about 20 hours worth of work each week. It doesn’t pay much, but at least it’s something, and I’m grateful for it. The focal seizures will eventually go away as the URI continues to clear up. I’m not sure how I’m going to take care of my car issues as yet; and my two payments that I’m behind right now in my car, I pray somehow that can be rectified. I just made a Go Fund Me page a day ago, but hardly anyone is paying attention to it. Everyone congratulated me a few days ago on my 4.0 GPA , but suddenly there’s “crickets” on Facebook and Instagram when it comes to helping me out financially with a donation; but then again, it’s Christmas, and everyone is probably tapped out as well. My luck.
But again, somehow, God will make a way when there seems to be no way. HOW?? I have NO idea. I’m doing all that I can and have the strength and resources to do, and will reach out even to the state and see how they can help. I’m divorced, alone, will be turning 55 in February, full time in college, a 4.0 GPA working my butt off to do all that I can to make my life better. But humanly, it’s not enough, so Divine intervention is sorely needed and appreciated. Prayers are wonderful, but I also need a physical manifestation of these problems getting solved. I’m WAITING for the second part of Psalm 34:19 to come to FRUITION. I know it will, but not in my time; only in HIS will it happen. Until then, I have to BE STILL, and know that He is God, and He’ll work it out when He’s ready to.
Walking in the Dark with Faith 