I just finished my Master’s Degree in Biblical Languages yesterday. I should have been there for the commencement at Liberty University, but I did not want to go alone. It is also Mother’s Day weekend, so emotionally for me, it ends up being a double “whammy”. I should be thrilled and excited to want to celebrate such events, but honestly, my heart is just not in it.
This is the second time I could have celebrated a major event in my life (last time was my Bachelor’s), but because for other reasons, I did not want to go to that commencement ceremony. Nevertheless, no one in my family did or said anything to celebrate the huge achievement with me. But I did hope that there would be a special dinner out with close family to celebrate such an event. It just did not happen. I was a bit surprised, but considering at the time all that happened that previous year (2020), I let it go. I figured there was so much more other things on everyone’s mind, it just was quickly forgotten by them and life moved on.
Now this major achievement has be accomplished, and although because I put something on social media to alert others to finishing my Master’s and I did receive many a congratulations, I fear the same thing will happen again—it will be here and gone without some type of celebration. Who wants to go to a graduation commencement all by themselves anyway?
Unfortunately, I do not have a spouse; my daughter stopped all communication with me last year (end of July), at first acting like she needed time to think about what needed to be said to me on whatever it was she was upset about, but never made a concerted effort to reconcile any differences with me. So I have lost both her and my grandson (soon to be 6 years old) in one fell swoop out of my life. It’s like the breath was taken out of me when that happened.
I have and continue to reach out to her to let her know I love and miss her so much, but so far, to no avail. I have also tried to keep in touch with my other family members, letting them know they are in my thoughts with either a card or text. I’d love to even talk to them on the phone, and have repeatedly said that they can call me whenever, but my phone hardly ever rings. At this point, I’d take a text of “hello” over nothing at all. It seems like from 2020 forward, Jesus’ words, “And because lawlessness will increase, The love of many will grow cold” (Matthew 24:12, ESV), really have come to pass. And it is not just in my family that this has been happening. I have heard it from many people that they are suffering similar heartbreaks in their families as well.
This Mother’s Day will be even a sadder one for me. I do have a step-daughter (I’d rather just call her my daughter) from a previous marriage, as well as a step-son. Since I am away this weekend due to an extended family member’s celebration, I am able to see my “oldest” daughter and her family, and be with her on Mother’s Day. It wasn’t planned to happen that way, but the Lord I know, had something to do with it. He knew of my sadness and broken heart, and made sure I would not be alone this weekend. He truly shows me all the time His love and concern for me.
I also am missing my mother Rose Marcelli. She passed back in April of 1991, but any child who has lost a mother can tell you it still feels like it was yesterday when they left this world. My mom always made sure that whether it was a birthday, holiday, etc., we were celebrating something, and together, especially going on family vacations together. They were awesome times, and I have so many good memories from them. If not just our immediate family, then it was a party with many family members gathered, so we could all celebrate together. I most certainly miss those days.
Most of my family is gone; all I have left are cousins. I will be able to see some of them actually later on today, as a matter of fact. It will be wonderful to see them at a happy event, rather than a sad one (usually wakes/funerals). I can only wish that we all would make a more concerted effort to stay in touch with one another. To have family is a gift from God, and to have the time to spend together with them should not be wasted.
Although I will be around many this weekend, and I am thankful to be invited to both a family party and backyard picnic, my thoughts will be also on those who I have lost, whether they are no longer here like my mom, or those who still are here physically, but do not have any desire to share their life with me any longer, like my daughter and her family. It continues to break my heart, but even the LORD God my Father reminds me now and then, that even as He cannot force Himself into a person’s life, neither can I do the same. Our love for those people will always be there, and never go away, even though they want nothing to do with us.
Would I have liked to celebrate my achievements with my friends and family, and gather us all together like my mom would have? Yes, but it certainly is not going to happen this weekend, nor the next, or the one after that. Is someone going to throw a party for me? No—my mom’s long gone, and I seriously doubt anyone else would step in and do something like that. I’d even would have just like to go to dinner with a bunch of people who care to be in my life. That would have been nice. But one day, hopefully some time this summer, maybe I can get some friends or family together, and we can have a nice day or evening out, celebrating not just my achievements, but all our lives, and just have a good time together.
The Holy Spirit reminded me of where the Lord Jesus said, “Give, and it shall be given unto you…” (Luke 6:38). This was not just about financial giving, but giving of yourself to others, in many different ways. You really do get blessed by giving to others, whether it be your money, your time, your kindness, etc.-whatever it happens to be. Somehow, the Lord makes sure it comes back to you, and in a greater amount. The giving part of it actually puts a smile on your face, knowing you are helping others in whatever capacity it is needed. I recently had an opportunity to do that. Suddenly, you forget (even if it is just for a minute or two) about that which saddens you, as you realize you just made someone else smile, knowing that you care about them enough to help them, or let them know you were thinking about them, or included them in a conversation, celebratory event, or even invite them out for a bite to eat. Just a card in the mail does wonders for a person; a lady friend of mine has a ministry of doing just that, and most of the time throughout the year, if it wasn’t for her thinking of me over the holidays and such (even my birthday) I would not receive any cards. Amazing how the Lord puts these people in our lives, to “fill the gap” of those who were there, and no longer are, for one reason or another.
So if you are reading this, and it strikes you one way or another, let me know. If you can relate, let me know. But we who have Christ in our lives must remember, that HE will NEVER leave nor forsake us, even if others do. He will always remember us, love us, care for us, encourage us, strengthen and comfort us, even if there was no one else in our lives. The Lord truly IS the One True Friend that sticks closer to us than a brother (or sister, mother, daughter, etc.).
On this Mother’s Day weekend, let us be thankful for who we do have in our lives, and remind them that they are loved and not forgotten. For those of us whose mothers have passed, I feel your sadness, pain, and the loneliness; BUT, some of us also do have some good memories of all the years we had our mothers in our lives. Let us keep those memories alive through the pictures we have of them, and all the times we had with them. But let us also thank the LORD God, His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, to move us forward in faith, hope and love, being the example of a child of God that we can possibly be for one another, as He desired us to be, for all those who we do have in our lives, whether they are a mother, father, sister, brother, spouse, best friend, cousin, etc. Showing our love to one another does wonders to the soul.