I cannot begin to tell you how much of a “Godwink” this is, to see this specific verse this morning in my daily morning devotional. It brought tears to my eyes, especially after the conversation that happened in the middle of the night.
Even us kids who study the Word of God all time, need reminders of certain commandments that Abba has given us. I was reminded of one very important one last night.
I have been struggling with not being able to obtain a good enough paying job, in order that ALL my bills are paid, not just some of them. I’m so tired-actually, exhausted- of living like a pauper for the last 5 years. I know I’m speaking to the choir about this–we’re all in the same boat, just on different levels, and going through different specific situations when it comes to finances.
I thought for sure that everything would turn around for me, once I graduated with my Bachelor’s, but I still could not find a decent (preferably remote at the time) paying job. And even AFTER writing four books and receiving hardly any royalties for them (very few people have purchased my books), I continued to live on either school or tax refunds, which had to pay for anything and everything I needed, and any and all bills that came in–now including rent. Talk about slicing the pie VERY thin–almost to the point of it being transparent!
One mystery that has yet to be solved–it was the LORD’s will for me to write those books–so why would I not make any money off of them? Was that all out of obedience, and nothing more?
BUT–it seemed more like that was the Lord’s will all along on this faith journey of mine, proving Himself faithful again recently, when I finally did get (albeit part-time and just above minimum pay) a job. It also proved to me, that what His will IS, will be, no matter whether His child likes and or approves of it, or not.
Now that I have a M.A., I thought that would open even MORE doors of opportunity to get a much higher-paying job, and something I can be proud of, paying all the bills, saving some money, tithing, etc. But that hasn’t happening either-at least not yet-no decent enough paying job has come my way. So I went to the LORD once again, grumbling and asking why He will not open up that door (Rev. 3:7), and pour out His financial blessing, enough that I can finally breathe and not feel like I’m suffocating anymore.
When I went to sleep last night, I was not in a good mood at all. He knew what was on my mind, and except for the normal prayer time, I said nothing more, and fell asleep.
As usual like every other night, I woke up a couple of hours later. The Holy Spirit wanted to “discuss” something with me–I could tell, because I was wide awake, and He had me look up something in the Hebrew Torah prior to “answering” my question of why I continue to struggle financially all this time.
The answer finally came. He reminded me of one of the promises I made IF I were to get a job–any job–and that was, I would start to pay my TITHES again.
Oh my gosh–tithing?! “You mean another 10% off the top (gross) every week–” Ugh…
YES–tithing. I haven’t done much of that, because of the very little paychecks I have received from this part-time job, ALTHOUGH I have managed to put aside 10% for my church back in 2018 when I worked a seasonal job (making $1 more an hour, but way less hours).
BUT–it IS His will; it always has been. That is how the priests were to survive and provide for their families, because the people would support them by giving a tenth of their income (Malachi 3:10; Num. 18:21,26; Deut. 16:17; 2 Cor. 9:7).
Lord knows my priest does not get any help from the hierarchy of the Church, especially when it comes to the TLM portion of the Masses; he survives on a stipend at least a couple of hundred dollars LESS than my total monthly income. But he has a small but faithful flock, who also purchase his delicious breads, soups (when in season) and pies throughout the year to also help him out financially.
But that is what my Father wanted to remind me of–to tithe, as I promised I would. I got so caught up in finally having a paycheck again (it was almost two years that I went without one) to pay some of my bills (and believe you me, I’m still about $800 in the hole with my car bill–it’s only the grace and mercy of God that they haven’t taken it away!), I seriously forgot to include that in my WEEKLY expenses (yes, even if I do not show up to church a certain week, I STILL am obligated He said, to put that money aside for the priest). “Give and it shall be given unto you”(Luke 6:38)–remember, Jeannette?” “Yes, Father”, I said, now feeling worse than I did before. All I could think of is what 📖Malachi stated in vs. 8–“Would man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me…” Ugh…
Nevertheless, He also reminded me of what it said in the latter part of 📖 verse 10–“And thereby put Me to the test, says the LORD of Hosts (Adonai Tze’vaot), if I will not OPEN the windows of Heaven for you and pour down a blessing until there is no more need.”
No matter what the specific situation in a believer’s life, if the LORD’s will needs to be done, DO IT. He is faithful, even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13). He is forever merciful and gracious, and understanding of our needs, and will remain faithful to us (Lam. 3:22-23; Deut. 7:9), unto the end of our days. We should be faithful as well, and trusting in Him to see that, according to HIS WILL for our lives, make sure that we accomplish all that HE set us out to do. He in turn, will PROVIDE for all our needs (and a few of our wants as well!).
BUT–the LORD’s WILL comes FIRST–no matter what the circumstances are. As long as we honor Him and abide in Him, He will make sure to bless us in whatever way He seems fit to do it, and will strengthen us along the way to accomplish all His will He purposed for us, until the Day He calls us Home with Him.
Walking in the Dark with Faith 